i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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