So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
