I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
