idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
