You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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