I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
