Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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