We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
