Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
