I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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