If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
