I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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