i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
