this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
