I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
