How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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