At least make sure they are 18
Why
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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