sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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