I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
