i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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