dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
