can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
