ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
