My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
