she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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