he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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