But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
