Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my poor anus
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
