well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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