If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
