I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
