It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
