i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
