I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
