I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
