She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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