I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
COCAINE IS GR8
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
