she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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