my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
