im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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