you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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