i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
