Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
