Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
