Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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