He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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