Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
