I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
