i permit you to call me
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
