ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
