I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
