i just had sex bonerless
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
