I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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