That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
