i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
