your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found puke in my bra..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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