There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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