OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
