I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
